June Hopper

This definitely interests me, and I'd like to know more about your protagonist, Naomi. Good prologue--and I like the picture you included! Characters. Maybe you ought to get out in ...

Hello. No, this doesn't mean I've quit my other story, for those of you who have read Life. This story, in many ways, is easier to wirte, so I've been ...

I'm glad that you decided to add to it, but I really wanna know more about this monster! :) I think you need to add a little more feeling to ...

It's not bad, a little info dumped, but you set it up like that. I personally perfer to be introduced the characters and let them reveal the world they live ...

Hello! I made your line smaller, alright? Try not to use really long lines because they freak out the front page and then Nate [s]wants to butcher us[/s] gives us ...

This isn't a lot, I'm sad to say, but I'd like to know what others think. This is just kind of an introduction, I suppose, to the story itself. Hopefully ...

That was good, in all honesty. You could probably build up emotion a tad bit more, maybe lengthen it out to show that they can still "hear" the person though ...

Hey, you already know how I feel about Aurali. You need to work on structure a little, but overall I like the imagery. Like others said, you need to work ...